woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
