It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
