Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
