Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
