Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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