Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
