apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
