i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
