Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
