Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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