I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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