Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She bit a glass in half.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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