he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
