1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
