My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
