It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
