cat food counts as protein by the way
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize