My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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