I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
