I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
