someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize