i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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