Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
