Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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