I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
