do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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