Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
