1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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