But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
