I want you more than these girls want KFC
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
