I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
