i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
