just tell him i said nine months
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
