Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
