Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
