Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
