i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
