ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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