I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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