i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
