I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
