I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize