He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
