we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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