Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
