btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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