I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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