friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
