She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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