My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
