Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
