i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
