I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
