Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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