not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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