when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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