And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
