He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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