i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Randomize
