Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
