Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
too bad you live with your parents still
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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