I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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