2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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