I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just invented taco cereal.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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